


Every Time He Breathes

by littlegraybunny



Category: Young Avengers
Genre: Cancer, Drabble, Gen, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 16:11:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlegraybunny/pseuds/littlegraybunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teddy inherited more than just Kree DNA from his father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Time He Breathes

**Author's Note:**

> A poem I found on my hard drive from who-knows-how long ago. No implied character death, but cancer is the subject.

Every time he breathes

Billy’s stomach drops.

It’s in the lungs, they’d told him. 

It’s good we caught it so early 

Chemotherapy might be enough.

But it’s so hard for Billy to tell

What’s helping and what isn’t

When Teddy’s breathing sounds like that of a chain-smoker

And his beautiful golden skin has paled, frighteningly so.

He looked so small in the hospital bed when Billy first came

(a day after, because Teddy insisted he didn’t want Billy

To be there for the worst of it, and part of Billy hated him for it, while the other part

Wept with joy that he wouldn’t have to watch his husband get sick to his very marrow

When he’d never even had a cold before)

He’d been so dwarfed in the bed,

Which was something that Teddy should never, ever be—

He is always big, bigger than his own body

His personality ballooning to fill any room he entered

His body growing to encircle Billy until Billy could no longer sense the outside world.

It terrified him to his core.

Now Teddy sleeps off the doctor-prescribed poison in his body

His breath catching every once in a while, stopping for a fraction of a moment

And Billy’s heart stops every time,

And he stops breathing himself until Teddy huffs and finally sighs.

He turns onto his side as Teddy’s eyes

Blink open, bloodshot and smiling up at him.

Without those eyes, sometimes Billy isn’t sure he recognizes Teddy

All his hair shaved off in anticipation of the

Poison

And his earrings taken out to prevent interference with the CAT scans and x-rays.

“Stop making that face”

Is the first thing Teddy says to him

And Billy feels like if he laughs he will cry, and he can’t do that.

“I’ll make whatever face I want,” he replies, shaky.

Teddy smiles

And it’s the saddest, most painful thing Billy has ever seen

And Teddy closes his eyes

“You always make that face when you don’t want me to know you’re scared”

And Billy says

“Why wouldn’t I want you to know? I’m more terrified now than I have ever been in my life.”

And 

As if Billy told Teddy he was worried Teddy would be eaten by flying pigs,

Teddy says

“Why? I’m going to be fine.”

Billy almost feels angry.

“Your healing may not be helping with this, Teddy.”

And Teddy shrugs

“The chemo will fix me. And then I’ll fix my lungs. In a year it’ll be a memory.”

Billy sighs and lays back onto Teddy’s pillow

“Go back to sleep”

Teddy

Wheezes

“Not now that you’re here” he says.

“Please don’t test me” Billy pleads. “I’ll use my magic on you, I swear.”

“If you were going to use magic on me”

Teddy quips

“You would have done it when they diagnosed me.”

Billy stares up at the ceiling and distantly wishes his mother was here.

“I’m going to be fine” Teddy repeats

“They said my chances are really good.”

“You’re not a superhero” Billy says.

Teddy

Wheezes and stares.

“You’re a man who’s sick with cancer whose father died of cancer” Billy moans

“You can’t hero your way through this. You just can’t.”

Teddy

Wheezes and smiles.

Billy wants to punch him.

“If I needed positivity to survive this, I would have died a half hour ago

When you walked in this room.”

“I thought you were sleeping” Billy grumps.

“But I don’t need positivity, Thank God” Teddy laughs

“Despite all appearances to the contrary I have you

And I’ll survive this for you

Because you’re the reason I’ve survived everything so far

And I don’t see why that can’t work now.”

Billy moans and digs the heels of his palms

Into his eyes.

“Just keep breathing”

Teddy

Wheezes

“In a year it’ll be a memory.”


End file.
